Building a Great Marriage

As Eric and I have been talking about our goals for 2010 and about strengthening marriage in general, I thought it would be good to study the topic of marriage today. The Topical Guide has several different categories under marriage, so first I'm going to go through them and pick out the principles that I want to focus on today.

Marriage, Celestial:

Genesis 2:24 "...cleave unto his wife, and they shall be one flesh."

The first book of scripture in the Old Testament lays the foundation for the rest of my study. When you marry, you become one with your spouse. You "leave" your parents and "cleave" to your eternal companion.

The next three scriptures are from the Old and New Testments, and they describe what we, as members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, believe about marriage for time and all eternity. In holy temples, couples can be sealed for eternity by men who hold the sealing power. They are given this power from the prophet or one of the apostles, and this power allows them to "bind on earth" and "bind in heaven."

Eccl. 3: 14
whatsoever God doeth, it shall be for ever.

Matt. 16: 19
(Matt. 18: 18) whatsoever thou shalt bind on earth shall be bound in heaven.

Mark 10: 9
What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

Our goal is to marry a companion we want to be with for eternity, and then to have complete fidelity in that marriage. Clearly, there are times when divorce is necessary, but we do all we can to strengthen our marriages and build strong families.


One of my very favorite topics in the Topical Guide is "Marriage, Continuing Courtship In." We believe that marriages need to be nurtured in order to remain strong. Once we're married, we continue to date, to show love and affection for each other, and to "court" each other. Eric and I do our best not to take each other for granted. We go on dates and getaways as much as we can (which hasn't been as often as we would like this past year), we flirt with each other, we speak kindly to one another, and we try to make the other person happy.


Matt. 7: 12 sums it up very well: "whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye. "

I love the sentiments in these scriptures, as well:

(Col. 3: 19) Husbands, love your wives. 1 Pet. 3: 7 giving honour unto the wife. Jacob 3: 7 their husbands love their wives. D&C 25: 14 Let thy soul delight in thy husband. D&C 42: 22 Thou shalt love thy wife with all thy heart. D&C 42: 45 Thou shalt live together in love.

The one I want to focus on this morning is "Let thy soul delight in thy husband." In the world today, is it typical for wives to say, "My soul delights in my huband!"? That's not what I see. On TV shows, husbands and wives are usually being sarcastic with each other, fighting, or simply tolerating one another. VERY few movies or TV series feature happy, functional marriages. It's also very common to hear wives complain about or degrade their husbands in front of other people.

Instead, you see married women fawning over Edward and Jacob, Hollywood stars, Heroes from Romance Novels, etc.

Ethan (age 6) just came over and sat by me, and I showed him the scriptures I was reading. I told him about how husbands and wives need to love each other, and I told him that some married couples aren't nice to each other. He looked totally shocked. Then we talked about things he could do to be a good husband and things his wife could do to be a good wife. He wants her to buy some Playmobil sets so they can play together. He said he would make angel food cake for her, and maybe she would buy him candy. So, so cute.

The family needs me, so I'll close with this scripture:

D&C 130: 2 And that same sociality which exists among us here will exist among us there, only it will be coupled with eternal glory, which glory we do not now enjoy.

We can't think that we can be unkind to our families here on earth and then have a great, strong marriage in heaven. We need to create eternal families now. That's so hard to do (especially on days when you didn't get enough sleep the night before, and you're feeling grumpy...uh hem...).

Nothing Else Before My Spouse

I heard this quote in Sacrament meeting (thanks Brother Woodland!), and I knew this was a keeper--it's so relevant!

"The words none else eliminate everyone and everything. The spouse then becomes preeminent in the life of the husband or wife and neither social life no occupational life nor political life nor any other interest nor person nor thing shall ever take precedence over the companion spouse."

(President Spencer W. Kimball, The Miracle of Forgiveness p.250)


"A husband or wife who places children, friends, careers, hobbies, or Church callings before the marital relationship is in direct violation of the commandment 'none else.' Satan is determined to drive wedges of discord between marriage partners. If he can convince one partner or the other that something else should take precedence over this central relationshipof both time and eternity, he has won a battle in his war against the family and against God's plan. We must therefore take special care to build, nurture, and deepen the marriage relationship." (I'm assuming these are the words of Brother Woodland--he gave me a copy of his talk.)

Sometimes I forget just how important my marriage is. I get caught up with the clutter in the closet and the leaves all over the front yard, and I forget that my time with my husband is the most important. He's so cute. He always wants to sit and hold me, and I'm always saying, "Can we go clean up the kitchen now?" I will try to put nothing else before him...but I still think it's okay for us to clean the kitchen together.

Worldwide Leadership Training 2008 Notes

I wanted to record some of the thoughts that stood out to me at this great meeting!

• Now is the time to raise a righteous posterity--as parents, we must be prepared.
• Within our families, we have the right to revelation from the Lord.
• The Proclamation on the Family has more revelation in it than we thought--this is a document worth careful study
• The words "we warn" are not often used by our church leaders (but it is included in the Proclamation)
• The only place the family can be protected is within the doctrines of the gospel of Jesus Christ.
• We need to help our young men and young women be prepared for married life.
• It is not called for for us to live in fear. We can live a happy life while we are guided by the Lord.
• The bearing and rearing of children is important and essential to God. We must use the gospel as a guide.
• When we have charity within our families, we bring heaven into the home
• In marriage, we leave our parents, cleave to one another, and become one. As we are looking to solve our problems, we ought to look first to one another.
• In choosing a companion, we ought to counsel our children to find someone they love, whom they can stand together with.
• Struggles when we are starting out are okay--they strengthen us. We will grow in love as we go through trials together.
• It is important that we do not judge others who are faithful and receiving revelation.
• We have children with faith--not because we have money. The way will be opened up as we walk by faith. Be wise in decisions--not reckless.
• Be willing to work and sacrifice--we can't expect to be applauded everytime we do what is right.
• Strengthen our families--FHE, family scripture study, family dinners..
• Pray specifically for those in need.
• One family sang "Love at Home" every week as their hymn for FHE. The children wanted to sing a different song. The father said, "When you learn lesson one, I'll teach you lesson two."
• We need to strengthen our extended families.
• As a mother, I can go to the temple for revelation.
• We need to rid ourselves of guilt. Are we too busy? Are we trying to do too much?
• In our homes, we want there to be a climate of nurturing, which means to help make grow.
• "I love my children with all my heart, but I can't love them with all my time." -Pearl S. Buck
• Teach children to work, teach them love, unselfishness, forgiveness
• There is a real lack of homemaking skills out in the world--people feel emotional homelessness.
• Baking and preparing good meals is worthwhile.
• Make a home environment that can best raise our children and lead them to exaltation.
• Housekeeping can be delegated, homemaking cannot. Homemaking can be done by both fathers and mothers.
• Purpose of ward activities is to strengthen the family--not to keep up with traditions.
• Sports, TV, extracurriculars should not take time away from the family.
• We don't always have to do more when we magnify our callings
• Reclaim the joy of the Sabbath
• Let's bring more of heaven into our homes.
• We might think other things are more exciting, but we will learn that nothing can take the place of home and family.

Personal Goals:

• I will remember that my focus is my family. It all comes down to the love we have for them.
• I will create a home that is heaven on earth.
• I will keep my schedule free as much as possible so I can spend time with my husband and children--teaching, working, and having a great time together.
• I will put more effort into my homemaking--what types of experiences we have together (great books to read, great meals to eat, fun outings...)
• I will reach out more to my extended family and allow us to be a strength to one another.